I am a 23 year old with a house, a chocolate lab, an enjoyable job, a 1990 Toyota Corolla, a twin sister and an above average boyfriend. Well by boyfriend I technically mean fiance, but who can stand that word? Until he's my husband, he will continue to be my boyfriend. I live in the same small town I grew up in. I have some seriously great friends and one or two I could probably do without. Overall my life is as I expected and I wouldn't trade it for anything short of a 649 ticket with 6 matching numbers, plus the bonus. I'm mostly all talk but there aren't many things I wouldn't do for a few million bucks. Here are some things I would give millions to never deal with again:
1)Eating Habits. People who DRAG their teeth across their metal fork while eating. This mentally and physically revolts me. In my opinion dealing with that sound is comparable to being raped in a female prison. Not only does it likely cause oral damage but it gives me the NO feeling throughout my whole body. Hense the comparison to being raped by a bull-dyke. While we're on the eating topic I should say I do find it personally offensive when people think it's remotely appropriate to come within a 1 mile radius of anyone while devouring a loaded subway sandwich. Don't take this the wrong way, everyone loves a properly made sub but WHY someone would get extra onion on their mid-day sandwich is beyond my thought process. That oniony smell which is often confused with the scent of ripe B.O. lingers for an obscene amount of time. I like onions, I like garlic, but most of all I like my personal hygiene not coming into question.
2)Facebook Updates. I'm going to try to keep this one short and sweet because I could go on about several topics in relation to facebook annoyances. For the time being I will only focus on one major type of facebooker: the status updater. I like to know where you got the idea that anyone with a pulse cares about the fact that you: hate your job, are in love with the man of your dreams, have a rash, or that you don't have plans for Friday night. SHUT THE FUCK UP! The only thing I find satisfying about someone posting 8 updates in one day is that then I actually have an reasonable excuse to talk about how much I personally hate them. The best thing facebook has created to date is the 'hide this person' option for your homepage. Because honestly, as much as you hate those mother fuckers that are updating hourly you have to keep them at arms reach (or literally speaking, on your friend list). I mean theres always a chance they might get pregnant, paralyzed, or punched in the face. Nothing like getting an earful of juicy gossip only to be derailed by a closed profile!
3)Simpleton Grammar. I am no genius when it comes to punctuation, spelling or even grammar. If you're this far into my blog it's likely that you're nodding your head. I'm also not a mental fucking retard. I'm not university educated or even college educated for that matter but any half wit should be able to recognize basic English. Saying things like "I seen that movie last night" makes you sound just as hillbilly as saying "I seen cousin Mary sucking cousin Mikes dick last night". You SAW it, past tense you goddamn idiot.
That's enough negativity for now, it is Friday after all. I just figured anyone reading this garbage would need a crash course on some of things that are closest to my heart. From this I hope you will all think twice before hitting that 'share' button on facebook, willingly grinding metal on your pearly whites or sucking your cousins dick.
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