Yes I'm still alive. After 4 unbelievably glorious weeks in Europe I'm back. Do I feel horribly depressed and shocked at how awful reality is? Absolutely.
There really is something to be said about having something, ANYTHING to look forward to. In most cases the buildup is half of the excitement. Just waiting and planning, counting the days. That was just not the reality of our Europe vacation. I think it's the kind of place that deep down inside you don't fully believe exists until your standing there seeing it with your own eyes. Somehow it was better than I imagined. It's hard to give a highlight reel because everywhere we went was in some way the coolest place I had ever been. I hate to think my life has peaked at the age of 24 but it's hard to believe I'll ever do anything that awesome again. Just being realistic (and if you saw the debt we put ourselves into after 1 short month you would likely agree). I've decided to write this in chronological order and split it between a few posts, hope you enjoy the highlights and lowlights and the useless information in between.
ITALY - The country of smells.
After 3 flights and 17 hours and not a wink of sleep we arrived in Naples. We grabbed our rental car (that was approximately twice the size of my big toe) loaded up and headed south for Sorrento. Our initial thought once we got on the highway was that we were in fact in a much muggier version of Mexico. Thank god we got our GPS working and got the hell outta there. The scenery picked up immensely once we got further down the coast line and Sorrento was a perfect first stop on our 10 day adventure in Italy. The next 2 days were spent cruising the Almafi Coast, all the while risking our lives every time we got back behind the wheel. Italy by far has the largest population of horrible drivers per capita. After several delicious bruschetta’s and a couple 2 euro bottles of wine we were on way up to Rome.
It was days like this we were really praising Rosa (our GPS). She got us through some tough times and I really think without her we would have been filing for divorce right now. Once we checked in and carried our bags up 10 flights of stairs (which was pretty standard fair for everyday in Italy) we were on a sweaty bus into the city center. I decided the people who gave me average reviews of Rome are likely retarded and I made a mental note to not believe a word out of their mouths from that day on. Rome is a MUST SEE, even if you’re seeing it through a thick layer of sweat in 35 degree weather. We hit lots of the main tourist attractions but honestly just cruising the streets was the highlight in my opinion. Well that and the unbelievable dinner we had that evening followed up with about 4 liters of wine.
For a non-god loving sinner like me it was hard to believe how glorious the Vatican would really be until I saw it with my own eyes. I really didn't think it would be something I was that interested in, more of a check on the list of Europe to do's. Being only 4 or 5 days into our trip we were still suffering the effects of jet leg (that and passing out at 9pm after 4 liters of wine) and were up at the crack of dawn. After a quick cappuccino and croissant we were headed into St. Peters Square before 8am. Would have had the same effect on me had it been noon, 35 degrees and filled with people? I honestly doubt it. The sun was just coming up, there was next to no one in the square when we arrived and it was honestly breathtaking. That is not a word I use lightly but seriously, breathtaking. We cruised through the empty line up ropes (which always makes me feel like I'm getting some sort of ripping deal, even if entry is free) and through the first security check. By this point we're practically running were so excited to get the inside of the basilica (or as I would say, church) which by now is glowing and making me think it might be time to turn over a new leaf and let the sweet lord into my life. Only one more check point to get through when all of a sudden I hear an Italian man screaming something. I' had decided days ago that Italians are extremely bad loud talkers and this guy is no exception. That's when I feel a tap on my bare shoulder. Before I know it I'm being turned around and told to kick rocks as my thoughts of godly worship dissolve.
Well, turns out they don't let floozy, dress wearing hooligans into the Vatican. I admit my t-shirt length flesh colored spaghetti strapped dress may not have been pope appropriate but that wasn't what I was thinking when I got dressed that morning. I was clearly thinking about how many liters of sweat I would be producing after another 30+ degree day in Italy. You can't tell me god would want to me sweat any more than I have to?! At this point I was starting to feeling like the lord was truly laying hit wrath upon me. This is probably thanks to me bad mouthing him in a previous blog.
At this point I was feeling pretty awful because now I was holding Carey back from seeing all the glory inside the glowing building. Also I was just plain annoyed with the situation and feeling like a prostitute. With few options we started walking aimlessly back into the square when I had an idea. I remembered seeing a gift stand at the far side of the square and I figured they would have a t-shirt. Instantly I began dreaming about slipping into an oversized t-shirt with the popes face on it or better yet, a picture of Jesus being crucified. Unfortunately (and surprisingly) they didn't have either, but they had whore scarfs. This is clearly a niche market in St. Peter's Square. 4 euro and my problems were solved.
By the time we get back to the last check point I feel like pull a Deena style jersey turnpike on the fool that turned me away 20 minutes before but I figured I shouldn't push my luck. We finally get in; I was totally feeling like I had pulled a fast one on Catholics everywhere. Now I don't want to drag my whorness through the mud much longer but I can't leave this part out. After seeing the basilica I pull out my handy Europe guidebook and find that we can take an elevator to the top of the cupola (the highest point in the Vatican City). Who wouldn't want to do that? After some confusion we find the entrance to where the tickets are sold for the elevator. I strut directly past the guy manning the door with my silk scarf tied tightly around my shoulders. Again with the yelling Italian.. what I make out from his actions are that my dress is in fact too short. REALLY!? Little does he know I've out smarted one skinny, hairy, annoying Italian today and have no plans to let him ruin my fun. We are escorted back outside and I began scheming up a new plan.
Only one thing we can do now, make a run for it. Just kidding, that would never work. I adjusted my scarf and took off the straps of my dress so I can pull it down to knee length. I still don't understand how wearing a scarf for a shirt is more respectable than my dress but they're a lot of things about churches I don't think I'll ever comprehend. I knew we only had one more shot to get by this guy before he had us booted out for good. I waiting for the next group of people going in and I pushed my way in the middle of the crowd (if you can call 3 people a crowd?). Of course Carey of course was able to walk right in, still feeling like a rebel no less. We made it up to the cupola which turned out to be a short elevator ride and 312 winding stairs. Yes, 312 stairs. THANK GOD I wasn't wearing more clothes! All in all a very successful trip to the beautiful Vatican City, all done before 9:30am.
Soon we were back on the road and heading north to Florence. This will very likely make you think less of me but I was pretty stoked to be in the very same city where Jersey Shore season 4 was filmed just months before!! lol, but seriously, I was excited. Florence did not disappoint. We didn't have any specific attractions we wanted to see which made it pretty a leisure 2 days. Spent hours wandering through the streets, ate a couple pizzas, and drank a few dozen Heineken. Florence was good to us and like every place before very easy on the eyes.
I think calling Italy the country of smells is a little unfair. Really it’s Europe as a whole that is the continent of smells. Florence was no exception; actually I think this is where we really came to a head with the smell factor. The sewers run under the streets and with the buildings all being a few stories high and so close together there really isn’t a lot of fresh air being brought into circulation. One minute you’re sucking in a huge whiff of delightful Italian food and the next you smell Italian food that has been digested, shit out and is stewing in the ground just a few feet below. I think it kind of keeps things even though, no country that is that gorgeous should smell like roses.
Overall Italy was good to us. Great food, so much history and even better looking than I could have imagined. The only thing that really holding it back is…. The Italians. HAHA kidding, sort of. More euro-trip coming soon!
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