The bright side of my life..

I found this on one of the many wedding blogs I frequent. I usually scan something like this and move right on past without thinking twice.  I read this one right through.  Then I read it again.  I feel like at least the first half of these random sentences are things I try to live by, or at the very least I tell others to live by (never been that good at taking my own advice).  

We all know life is too short to be unhappy in any aspect, but that doesn't mean we all go through life living it that way.  In my eyes my life is pretty god damn fantastic.  I have some amazing friends.  A retarded dog that loves to snuggle.  An understanding and entertaining family that just happens to have a cabin on a beautiful lake.  An exceptional wedding to plan.  A one month trip to Europe in the fall.  A job I actually like and pays me more than I'm worth.  My health (as far as I know).  A well stocked liquor cabinet and a gift for martini mixing.  A shit load of random and enjoyable hobbies.  A home that could be hitched up and moved away, ahh the freedom!  Last but not least Carey, my favourite person on earth who I get to spend the rest of my life with.  SO many things go into the reasons I get up in the morning.  For all the bitterness and sarcasm I expose in this blog this may seem hard to believe but anyone who truly knows me knows I am honestly happy.  Which is all that really matters and all that makes life worth living. This makes me sound like my mom but after hearing it 1000 times I will finally admit that it's true. It's your choice to be happy or it's your choice to be a bitter pig (not the exact words my mom uses).  So if your reading this and just wishing you were this happy stop being such a pussy and make it happen. No one feels sorry for you so stop feeling sorry for yourself, it's not a good look.


LIFE is good today! On the eve of this surely glorious 4 day weekend may we all celebrate the resurrection of our lord Jesus Christ!  OR drink and eat our faces off for 4 straight days.. your choice!

Double..Trouble? Mint? Rainbow? HOMICIDE.

Given the opportunity there are many things I would change about myself.  For one, I wouldn't interrupt anyone, ever.  Sometime it feels like I'm watching myself about to cut someone off mid sentence.  My brain is trying to stop my mouth from opening but it's like a compulsive disorder that it has a mind of its own.  Secondly, I would have the metabolism of a  humming bird.  I wouldn't be one of the skinny people who doesn't care what they have for dinner or can't remember what they had for lunch.  I would be the skinny person that appreciated my good genes but ate like a horse just because I could.  I could go on but I'll spare you (and save it for another blog) because this one is about something I never had a choice in but wouldn't trade for anything.  My twin sister.

From what I hear having a twin is a something most kids dream about.  Someone you could use to play tricks on people, a person to share your room or better yet, your clothes.  Of course being a twin isn't all practical jokes and large wardrobes. Firstly and easily the most aggravating part of having a identical twin is for the first 15 or so years you do not have your own identity. With the exception of close friends and family you are just "the twins".  When any normal kid spends at the least the first two decades of their life trying to be an individual we're just trying to get people to figure out our names.  The older I got the more this bothered me.  Clearly we have some differences in our appearance which would be easy to see if you were looking, which most people don't bother to do.  Bottom line if you don't know which one I am by now you never will.  Why? Because I won't give you the fucking time of day.

I'm not sure if this one can be filed under pro or con but since as far back as I can remember my sister and I have been in a some type of competition.  It's not just us doing this to each other, it's on everyone’s minds.  Who is better at which sport?  Who's smarter?  Who is more successful?  Who is better looking? You might not come out and ask these questions (some retards do) but you've probably thought about it.  My life has been like a god damn decathlon against my sister where the events keep changing.  On the bright side this keeps me on my toes.  It would be a lot easier to gain 15 lbs if she wasn't around to compare myself to.  Also this comes back to people not being able to tell us apart.. if she’s really good at something there's still a good chance she might be confused for me anyways.  Bonus, I win without lifting a finger.

Twin jokes... really?  They are all SO lame and far from funny.  You know when someone does something so embarrassing you actually feel embarrassed for them?  That is the feeling I have when I hear these half-witted sayings.  Things like 'are you the good twin or the bad twin?' or 'two of a kind' or one of the corniest of all 'double troouuuuble'.  I swore from the age of about 8 that I would stop fake laughing when idiots chimed in with garbage like that and I haven't looked back since.

There are obvious advantages to having a twin.  We never got picked on in high school.  Seeing as we always had each other as backup it probably wasn't worth the hassle.  It's nice to always have someone on your team no matter what.  We always have each other to get a totally honest opinion.  YES you look like a cow in that outfit and NO you shouldn't skip the gym today.  Being able to bounce ideas off my sister before voicing them publicly have allowed me to avoid countless confrontations.  Seeing as it's my natural instinct is to be a bit of a c-bomb she’s acted as a filter from time to time to save me the hassle of having to apologize after all is said and done. There’s someone to share a license with when suffering the repercussions of a DUI as well as someone to take driving tests for you if you busy or retarded (or in my sisters case, both).  If I ever need a kidney, I know where I'm looking first.  Bottom line getting born with a built in best friend is nothing to whine about and it's clear the advantages make the disadvantages seems pretty insignificant.  Oh and did I mention Law & Order SVU taught me that as an identical twin I could easily get away with murder.  So if you're part of the 99.7% of the population who doesn't have a twin, my condolences and DON'T cross me or I'll kill you and get away with it.